The 10 most memorable lessons my father left me.

​My father, Melchior Cardenas was a man born from a different generation, those born from the mid-to-late 1920s to the early-to-mid 1940s were known as the “The Silent Generation”. They were considered the generation that made the best of bad situations and overcame life’s trials through hard work, perseverance and with little complaint. Over the years he shared many words of wisdom that he had learned through his own experiences with anyone who was willing to listen, unfortunately as a kid I didn’t heed much of his advice because during my teenage years I had wrongly concluded that I already knew everything I would need to know to succeed in life. Now that I am older and I hope wiser, I realized that my father had a wealth of knowledge and advice that would stand the test of time. What I attend to capture here is the few I remember and a few I recently read about in his journals that he left behind after his passing.

#1. “People who tough it out, who suffer the most, achieve the most”
I believe this was my father’s way of saying that it is through our trials and struggles that help develop our character and fortitude, once this development has occurred achievements are easier to obtain. 

#2. “ALWAYS believe that something wonderful is about to happen” I always equate this quote from my dad as the power of positive thought, I firmly believe that if we think positive then our lives will be better because of it, if you doubt this philosophy take a stab at being sour and grumpy for a week and see what happens. 

#3. “Stay positive, negativity drains useful energy” One way to maintain our energy is through positivity, it is a funny thing that happens when you have a positive mind set, our energy increases as well as our demeanor. Negativity also robs us of useful energy to focus on other areas of our lives that require our attention.

#4. “Set goals and be determined to achieve them” While this statement seems self-explanatory, many people don’t understand what it means to set goals and what steps are required to achieve them, my dad taught me early on of the value of goal setting, he once told me that goals can provide purpose, and having a sense of purpose in life is important. He also taught me that if my goals seemed overwhelming that I should break the journey to that goal into steps and not concentrate on the entire goal (or the whole enchilada as he would say) but rather mini goals accomplished one bite at a time, before you know it you will have eaten the entire “enchilada”. 

#5. Pray: Be as holy as possible, be forgiving and be humble and always try and help others in need. While I don’t go to church or pray as often as I should, learning how to be more humble and forgiving of others seems like great advice regardless of one’s faith or lack thereof, humility and forgiveness are two qualities that I keep self-reflective tabs on to ensure I am not going astray from dads words of wisdom. When it comes to helping others in need, my parents didn’t just say we should help people in words but rather they practiced kindness daily, inviting common strangers into our home for a meal or simply helping people in need was a common occurrence and a memory I will remember forever and attempt to emulate.

#6. Eat Healthy. Not much to say here unless one doesn’t know the difference between healthy and unhealthy foods, a good rule of thumb is to shop on the edges of a super market, this is where whole foods reside that require climate control environments, like meat, chicken, fish and fresh veggies. Processed foods, which are not so good typically reside in the middle of a grocery store.

#7. Watch comedies, anything to make you laugh, humor and laughing is good for the soul. My dad loved to laugh and he had a great sense of humor, and when he laughed it was hard not to get caught up in the laughing frenzy, I have fond memories watching the three stooges and the pink panther with my dad and laughing alongside him. It’s hard to be depressed when you laughing.   

#8. Don’t feel bad if you get depressed every once in a while, it’s normal. Don’t dwell there because negatives such as anxiety, stress, fear and worry robs you of energy that can be useful to fight off illness.  I have a few days out of the year that I get depressed or stressed out, sometimes I don’t even know why I am depressed or have anxiety, and the important thing to note is that this happens to all of us from time to time. This simple yet powerful message is a simple reminder to myself to accept that such feelings are normal and that tomorrow brings about new beginnings and opportunities. Dad used to say that in everyone’s life a little rain must fall and that life is road filled with peaks and valleys. The point to remember is that during these moments, that may not be considered our best days, are only temporary, and most of the time it is our attitude that determines how long we let them affect us. 

#9. You can accomplish anything anyone else can, sometimes it just may take a little longer. This is probably the most impactful comment my dad shared with me as I was helping him install a new door, it was also a time when I was struggling with my college coursework, I felt that I just wasn’t progressing fast enough to earn my degree. He looked at me and said “who are you racing”, to which I responded “no one”, he said just concentrate on accomplishing your goal and don’t get worked up about how long it takes you, he then started quietly humming a song about slow and steady wins the race as he drove screws into the new door frame. I will say that this is how most of my dad’s words of wisdom got shared, through the act of working together on some project either on my parents’ home, on our rental properties. Next time you get anxiety about the pace of your progress ask yourself if it is something you truly need to get worked up about, is there a true deadline that needs to be meet or is it a self-imposed deadline.

​#10. Always give 100% effort in all that you do, even if you’re just cleaning toilets.  This one just made me laugh when he shared this piece of advice with me, but once he explained that it is our character we are developing, and that a man who does not apply equal tenacity and effort to all his work needs to work on doing so, he told me that as long as I know I am giving 100% then I will never have any regrets about not trying my best. I lost my father in 2011 and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him or quietly ask or pray for guidance when contemplating a decision. Luckily he imparted good food for thought that has served me well over the years. Hopefully his words of wisdom can help others as much as they have helped me. In Memory: Mel Cardenas (1940-2011)